My Daddy Dom

I haven’t posted in a while because I have been seeing someone that had great potential of becoming my Daddy, and I have been taking time to explore our relationship and get to know him. We’ve been together for almost 3 months now, and I feel more comfortable posting about him and what we share now. 

My Daddy is lovely. He is naturally very dominant, and it is something that you notice almost immediately when you’re around him. It’s something in the tone of his voice, and the way that he carries himself. He is very much an alpha male, but at the same time all he wants to do is take care of me, and make me smile. He spoils me completely. 

Our relationship developed quickly, as our feelings for each other grew even quicker, but he kept telling me that he wanted us to working on building us before we turned our focus to exploration. I’m impatient, and it was painful to wait, but I’m excited that we have started exploring more and more recently. 

My Daddy is very different than anyone else that I have ever dated in the past. He is patient, he means everything that he says, and he works so hard to keep us strong and working as a team. He’s truly unbelievable and indescribable. He’s the type of man that you only read about in romance novels, and for some reason, he loves me. 

He started working on a list of rules for me last night. He took a notebook and a pen, and he won’t let me see it until it is done, but I’m pretty sure he is already on the second page…He told me it would take him about 2 days to complete and then he wanted me to make a chart for my rules that I can decorate. My Daddy is very particular, precise, and strict so I am interested and apprehensive to see his list (book?) of rules. 

I’m a lucky little to have a Daddy that takes such good care of me. He makes me unicorn hot chocolate when I’m being a good girl, or if I’m having a bad day. 

He bought me a giant stuffed animal to snuggle when he’s not around. 

And he gives me bubble baths with candles and colored water when I’m not feeling well.  

There will be lots of more posts to come, but for now, this little needs to be a good girl and get to work. 

The Passion of Fire

The fire scares me. 

It calls to me.

Seduces me.

Begs for me. 

I long to reach out and touch the glow.

But fire burns as you know. 

It can destroy you. 

Or it can save you. 

I lit the flame.

Thoughts on SpankingĀ 

Someone recently asked me to reflect on what it is about spanking that leaves a submissive feeling so satisfied and happy afterward.

First and foremost, I can’t say that EVERY spanking makes me feel happy, relaxed, satisfied, and submissive, thought most do. Some leave me feeling sad, angry, or even resentful. It all depends on the situation, I think. 

Though, for the ones that do leave me in a better mood than when it began, I think it has something to do with the attention. I like the attention that I get when I am being punished. The attention to my behavior, my improvement, and in that moment, my punishment. I generally feel very loved because someone is willing to pay that sort of close and careful attention to me. 

I’m one of those people that is very much a perfectionist and a control freak in the real adult world. So, for me, my submission is my escape from that, and being punished is not only my way of giving up control, but also placing it in someone else’s hands. That requires a lot of trust on both parts, and when it done “the right way” it is such a release and creates such a strong connection between the parties involved. 

As adults, and particularly as women, we carry a lot of stress, guilt, and insecurities in regards to feeling inadequate. I think a lot of us, specifically submissives and spankos, feel like we deserve to be punished for whatever it is we feel we are doing inadequately in life. It’s very personal and psychological, but therapeutic in its own way to be physically punished for what we punish ourselves for in our own minds. 

I can’t speak for everyone, but I think some combination of these things, and perhaps others, is what causes those feelings of euphoria after we have been spanked for punishment. I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this. 

Friends

I’m very much an introvert. I keep to myself the majority of the time, and I keep a very very small circle of friends.

The other day my best friend started asking me about some of the things that I was into sexually. I immediately started blushing which only made her more curious, so I eventually told her about my interests and experiences with Ddlg, BDSM, D/s, etc. She wasn’t quite as shocked as I had anticipated, and in general I think she took it quite well, but she was surprised and she did have a lot of questions.

Sometimes I wish that I had close friends that I could relate with in this lifestyle. I think it would be fun to have another little to interact and hang out with, but it’s very difficult for me to make connections with people. My walls are thick, high, and rigged with explosives. I keep most people at a very far distance as a defense mechanism. But it would be fun to have a best friend in this lifestyle and have someone to talk with.

Playing Dress Up

One of my favorite things to do when I am feeling little is to dress up. I was feeling especially little last night, and I just wanted to drink out of a bottle, be diapered, and cuddled, but I played dress up instead. 

The PastĀ 

Once upon a time, I was in love.

I called him Daddy, and he was mine, though our relationship wasn’t the typical Ddlg or D/s type of relationship.

He set my soul on fire in a way that no one else could. He made me feel so special and appreciated. I thought he loved me.

He called me baby girl or baby love, and he told me that I belonged to him.

And then I got pregnant, and he was gone.

I haven’t recovered.

I haven’t let go.

I haven’t moved on, despite my efforts, and it’s been well over a year since he left.

I can’t fill the hole that he left because no one’s pieces fit like his.

I’ve changed my entire life around since he left, all for the better, but all in hopes that one day I would get back what I lost. I feel myself growing colder the longer that I feel empty. I keep settling for temporary happiness, but it doesn’t stop the pain.

He left. And he’s never coming back.

I’m not sure that I will either.

Honesty

Most of us are raised to “always tell the truth” and that “honesty will set you free,” but no one tells you that as an adult, most people don’t actually want to hear the truth. 

Despite this fact, I have always been an exceptionally honest person. Whether it comes to my relationships or my job, I always try to be honest in every situation. The frustrating part is that it hardly ever does me any good. 

Especially lately, telling the truth has caused more trouble for me than good, and without having a Daddy to encourage me, and reassure me that I am doing the right thing it can be difficult to remember that I am, in fact, doing the right thing by being honest. 

I don’t like adulting. *pouts*